blame_it

BLAME IT ON THE
COMPUTER IN THE CHURCH OFFICE

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Join us each Sunday for a "Church Blooper of the Week".

10-19-03 This completes the series of "Church Blooper of the Week".

10-12-03 The peacemaking scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

10-05-03 "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not
               worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

9-28-03 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

9-21-03 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

9-14-03 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the
              congregation.

9-07-03 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

8-31-03 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want
              remembered.

8-24-03 Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is
              also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

8-17-03 The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth
              Into Joy."

8-10-03 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

8-03-03 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and
              listen to our choir practice.

7-27-03 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a
             friendship that began in their school days.

7-20-03 Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will
              be used to cripple children.

7-13-03 Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

7-06-03 The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

6-29-03 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

6-22-03 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
              basement on Friday afternoon.

6-15-03 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church.
              Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

6-08-03 Ladies' Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
             lunch in the main Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is finished.

6-01-03 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
              electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

5-25-03 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
              Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

5-18-03 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the
              large double door at the side entrance.

5-11-03 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
              "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!"

5-04-03 Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

4-27-03 The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching
             for Jesus."

4-20-03 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is
              hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

4-13-03 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
             and to the deterioration of some older ones.

4-06-03 Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
             "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

3-30-03 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist.
             Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

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