"KIDS IN CHURCH" |
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| April 06 One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle. On his way out just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me!...Pray for me!" |
| March 30 A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went - step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." |
| April 13 One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." |
| April 20 A little boy was overheard praying, "Lord if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." |
| April 27 A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." |
| May 4 The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several of these, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" |
| May 11 Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." |
| May 18 Mary's grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" Mary mentally polished her halo while she asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old." he replied. |
| May 25 A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" |
| June 8 Ann was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Ann saw the perfect opportunity for a moral lesson and said, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus." |
| June 15 A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." |
| JUNE 22 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" With a big smile, her mother responded, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment and then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" |
| JUNE 29 Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" |
| July 6 A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." |
| July 13 At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." |
| July 20 Dave, the Sunday School teacher, asked, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" "No!" the children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" "No!" the children answered again. "Well then, if I were kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" "No!!" they yelled at him. "Well," Dave continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" Danny, five years old, shouted, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!!!" |
| July 27 Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad." |
| August 3 A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" |
| August 10 It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!" |
| August 24 After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys." |
| August 17 Three-year-old Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in Heaven, Harold is His name." "Amen" |
| August 31 A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" |
| September 7 A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner!" |
| September 14 A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" |
| September 21 A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter." |
| September 28 Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold, Age 8 Nashville |
| October 5 Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon tht Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete, Age 9 Phoenix |
| October 12 Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Sincerely, Robert, Age 11 Dallas |
| October 26 Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty, Age 10 New Haven |
| October 19 Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette, Age 9 Albany |
| November 2 Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen, Age 8 Chicago |
| November 9 Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor, Age 12 Sarasota |
| November 23 Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie, Age 10 Athens |
| November 30 Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, Age 9 New York City |
| November 16 Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen, Age 9 Tacoma |
| A SERIES ABOUT "KIDS IN CHURCH" TUNE IN EVERY WEEK FOR A NEW INSTALLMENT |
| December 7 Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander, Age 10 Raleigh |
| December 14 Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua, Age 10 South Pasadena |
| December 21 Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher, Age 9 Titusville |
| December 28 Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla, Age 10 Salina |
| January 4 Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11 Akron |
| January 11 Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie, Age 9 Lewiston |
JANUARY 18, 2004 THIS COMPLETES THE SERIES OF "KIDS IN CHURCH". THANKS FOR JOINING US. |